Chapter 23: Wife is more than a prison
The Buddha said, ”People are tied by wife and house, which is more
than a prison. There is a date of the release for the jail. There is no thought
of departure from the wife. Emotion and love about the erotic, how would they
scare to offer the services? Even though the worry about the mouth of tiger
exists, the heart is willing to be conquered. Throwing self into the mud and
drowning self, that is why those people are called ordinary people. Those who
can see through such door are the out-of-dust Arhat.
To have a wife is what a wonderful dream for each man. Many men
are lost self in such dream. However, they awake in the suffering of marriage.
For the young man, that he thinks to have a wife is
a normal thing. No one would question it. Even the old man, he also hopes to
have a wife so that the wife can company with him and take care of him. To have
a wife is what a wonderful dream for each man. Many men are lost self in such
dream. However, they awake in the suffering of marriage. For the women, it is
also the same. Marriage is like a siege. Those who are outside the siege hope
to go into the siege. However, those who are inside the siege expect to escape
from it.
No matter man or woman, they hope to survive by
relying on the marriage. Especially in the unfair society and the society of
despising woman, if the women want to survive well, they have to depend on the
capability, power and wealth of husband and his family. In other word, the
women obtain the wealth and what she needs in life through marriage.
This is the controlled society by the males in
order to maintain their power of control to the society. However, what they
don’t know is that, they are also restraint by their own greed and desire, and
to put them in the “jail” of marriage.
What urging men into the marriage are not their personal
responsibility, but are their erotic desire.
Mostly, what urging men into the marriage are
not their personal responsibility, but are their erotic desire. In the Asia, it
is even the responsibility of their parents. That is because their parents want
their son to increase the family's population, especially to have a boy, so
that they can inherit the big family's interests.
Under such bias thought, the man is tied by the
personal erotic desire and is led away and turned by his wife. The female knows how to use her advantage to control the man and to survive under such
circumstance. It is thus formed as the shapeless jail for the man.
Unfortunately, many people do not want to bear
the big family’s responsibilities and the generated obligations, but want to
enjoy the big family’s interests. So, we find a problem. In the family, the
erotic desire and the greedy for fortune are existed in the husband and wife.
The husband would be conquered by his erotic desire and eager for
his wife, and is thus willing to be a servant and slaver of his wife, even to
be a “prisoner” in the siege of marriage.
If the wife focuses on money and values her own
property too over, she would use her erotic to tie her husband so as to obtain
any money and property. Then, the situation would become the arguing and
fighting for her interests in the big family or in their own marriage. That is
because that the wife wants to content her own greedy heart.
The husband would be thus conquered by his
erotic desire and eager for his wife, and is thus willing to be a servant and
slaver of his wife, even to be a “prisoner” in the siege of marriage. When the
husband is in such situation, he even doesn’t care about his responsibility and
obligations to his parents and his big family, even to the society and country.
Then, the husband is lost self in his marriage, even to weaken his own
intelligence.
In the traditional society, the wife has no
chance to work outside the family and earn her own money. How she survives is
to get the money and property from his marriage. Even today, in the modern
society, the wife who has the low ability to earn money would also use the way
to control her husband so as to get the money and her property.
From a small prison (the marriage and family) to be a big prison
(the unfair society)
And this also extends a problem. How a small
house and the small property could content the husband’s and his wife’s desire?
In the society, the husband is thus earning the more money to content his own
and his wife’s desire. He occupies the important and special resources of the
country and society, and even creates the unfair society or system through the
decorated ideology, and even thus bullies others with the ridiculous reasons to
make others people to be his servant and slaver.
Then, it becomes from a small prison (the
marriage and family) to be a big prison (the unfair society). Many husbands
want to content their own emotion and love to the erotic desire in the
marriage. They have to thus become the “prisoners” in the unfair society, and
to survive in the evil situation. Even to risk in life, to die, to go into the
jail, they just only desire to earn more money.
That is why the Buddha said,” Even though the
worry about the mouth of tiger exists, the heart is willing to be conquered.”
That is, even though the erotic desire in the marriage and the evil in working
environment are so dangerous as if the husbands are almost eaten by the mouth
of tiger, they are also willing to risk it and to be the servant to offer any
services for his wife.
What we have done and what we have thought would result in what
the consequence which we have to bear.
How they scare about it? They don't scare it.
The erotic desire is really to weaken those husbands’ intelligence and
judgment. In other word, the erotic desire covers their natural wisdom, and
affects their ability of thinking and reasoning.
So the Buddha said that they are as throwing
self into the mud and drowning self. What their erotic desire is the case to
put them in danger, even to make them to die. What they have done and what they
have thought would result in what the consequence which they have to bear.
Thanks to they could not understand the reasons and the dangers as said above,
that is why those people are called ordinary people.
However, once they could understand the reasons
and dangers as said above, and could leave their erotic desire and such wife,
they could get rid of any troubles and liberate self from any suffering, thus
are the out-of-dust Arhat.
The dust here means troubles or suffering.
Out-of-dust here means to get rid of or without of troubles and sufferings.
Arhat is Sanskrit. It means one of the grades of learning Buddha.
The most phenomena about emotion and love to the erotic in the
marriage are belonged to and are concerned to the desire and the three poisons.
In Buddhism, we don't look at superficial
phenomena. We also don’t look at the decorative and impermanent phenomenon.
That is because that, behind of any phenomena, such as any negative phenomena
in the marriage, is hidden the desire and the three poisons, even the five
toxins. The three poisons are the invisible poisons, which is the heart of
greed, hatred or resentment, and the stupid obsession.
The most phenomena about emotion and love to the
erotic in the marriage are belonged to and are concerned to the desire and the
three poisons. Such negative energy may be used to incur a lot of harm to self
and others. The Buddha had carefully perceived it and always advised us to
understand what the harm it would bring to us, and advised us not to indulge in
the erotic desire and better to abandon it as possible as we can.
Only when we can reduce or abandon the self
erotic desire, we can be a no-selfish person and think about others needs or
troubles. When we help others people, it is also to help us at the same time.
In Buddhism, no matter male or female, there are
scholars or learners who not only have a marriage, but also learn Buddha well.
42 Chapters Said by Buddha is to teach the
Buddhist monk how to liberate self from the suffering. The concept of chapter
23 is therefore on the stand of Buddhist monk and of the male. Even though we
are not Buddhist monk, it is still valuable for us to understand and learn it.
The Buddha actually said a lot of concept to
enlighten the wisdom of human beings. Chapter 23 is only one of them.
Therefore, I hope that you do not be limited by the concept of this chapter. In
Buddhism, there is also the scholar or learner who is not Buddhist monk. Those
scholars or learners not only have a marriage, but also learn Buddha well. They
are Bodhisattva, too. Such concept is also mentioned in many Buddhist Scripture.
Any concept in Buddhism, it is still applied to
gender role substitutes. If the wife is more than a jail, the husband is too,
which means the bad family makes people not free in mind and body. Of course,
it is only the one concept from the many concepts. As a woman, I have to say,
there is also a lot of virtue woman and wife who create a good family and make
a good contribution to the society and country. They are deserved to discuss
the issue of the society and country and to participate in politics. They would
bring the society and country the more equal and peaceful social environment.
