What is the difference between ego-arrogance and self-confidence? How to distinguish both of them?

 

Author: Tao Qing Hsu (Hsu, Tao-qing) 

 

There is a blind point in our own mind. That is, we usually mis-cognizant the ego-arrogance as self-confidence. What is the difference between ego-arrogance and self-confidence? How to distinguish both of them?

 

There is an easy way to distinguish the difference between ego-arrogance and self-confidence. A person with ego-arrogance would despise or purposely disturb other people by scolding, humiliating words, or by body language, or by body movement, even to use the way of rejection or isolation, intimidation and threaten. In other words, in mental and in physical body, they use the way to bully people so as to demonstrate their dominance, importance and superiority. So we could find out that the relationship of each other is unbalanced and unequal.

 

But, a person with self-confidence is a person with empathy and self-respect so could respect other people on the equal stance. Secondly, they would self-acknowledge that their knowledge is actually limited so they are really in the state of humble and would try to understand the knowledge what they don't know. They rationally talk about things. It is not necessary for them to attack people by any humiliating words or to despise other people by any body language or movement.

Don't use the goodness of the people to take advantage of the people.

 

Author: Tao Qing Hsu

 

I observe in the world that there are many people who are smart and self-righteous. These people who are not purely motivated, they often use the goodness of the people, and then take advantage of the people. When these unruly people are engaged in these things, they are also good at blackmailing the people, saying, "Everything I do is for you and for your sake." They might even brainwash the people and say, "Because we are so good to you, so you should pay for us.” But, in fact, these evil-motivated people, after giving the other side a little bit of benefit, want to get a greater double benefit from the other party. In other words, these people made it clear that they wanted to sacrifice the rights and interests of those kind-hearted people. Did you find out? Such people generally exist in the political arena, society, company organizational structure, our interpersonal network, and even they might be one of our family members.

 

Most people do not understand why their own kindness becomes a method used by others and a tool for others to safeguard their own interests. These kind-hearted members of the public are busy with their lives every day. They have worked hard to feed their families and the expenses of their daily lives, and they have no thoughts to think about this issue anymore. Unless they wake up one day, their kindness becomes a tool for others to use. Of course, the general public does not have this kind of awakening, and there is a great possibility that they themselves are someone who will use the goodness of the people to take advantage of the people.

 

During my observation, I also found that some people were taken advantage of by relatives and friends because of their own kindness. However, these kind people, although they themselves feel this strong sense of persecution, unfortunately, they may not have such a strong awakening: Don't use the goodness of others to take advantage of others. On the contrary, these kind-hearted people who have been victimized, without awakening, will turn out to be offenders to others. In other words, he will become a person who uses the goodness of others to take advantage of others. When the whole world, national politics, society and family are full of such people, a vicious circle will be formed. If the whole world is such a person, including many leaders of the world, it will definitely take the world in a very bad direction.

 

Therefore, self-awakening is very important. If we understand the principles of cause and effect, we will be cautious about what we do and remind ourselves: Don’t use the goodness of the people to take advantage of the people. Starting from ourselves, then, even if others use our kindness to take advantage of us, we will stop here, and we must not use our brains to harm others. This approach can prevent ourselves from falling into the cycle and whirlpool of bad karma.

 

As for others who use our goodness to take advantage of us, or those who use the goodness of others to take advantage of others, they must bear the consequences for their bad behavior and bear any bitter consequences that result from it. According to the Buddha's teachings, this kind of suffering has not ended in this life, and it will certainly continue to be paid in the next life. Do you know what this bitter fruit is? According to my personal observation, this kind of people will end up in a life of poverty and hardship and struggle endlessly. This kind of poverty and suffering is not only manifested in the material, but also in the spirit.

Chapter 12 ﹝9﹞: When having the authority and not to draw near to ordinary people is difficult

(Chapter 12 ﹝9﹞ ) A Brief Talk about The Scripture of Forty-Two Chapters Said by Buddha

Co-translators in the time of Eastern Han Dynasty, China(A.D. 25 - 200) : Kasyapa Matanga and Zhu Falan (Who translated the said Scripture from Sanskrit into Chinese. )

Translator in modern time (A.D.2018: Tao Qing Hsu (Who translated the said Scripture from Chinese into English.)

Teacher and writer for explaining the said Scripture: Tao Qing Hsu 

Chapter 12: List the difficulties and exhort to practice   

The Buddha said,” There are twenty difficulties for people. Giving something to others is difficult when people are in poor. Learning the Dao is difficult when people are in the huge wealth and are the nobility. It is hard to the people when they must die because their lives have to be abandoned. Being able to see the scripture of Buddha is difficult. Being born in the time of Buddha is difficult. Enduring the erotic and desire is difficult. Seeing the self-interest and not to pursue it is difficult. No resentment when being humiliated is difficult. When having the authority and not to draw near to ordinary people is difficult. When contact with things and no heart  is difficult. Learning widely and researching extensively are difficult. Removing the ego-arrogance is difficult. Not to despise the un-learner is difficult. Practicing the equality in heart is difficult. Not saying its right or wrong is difficult. Meeting the good-knowledge person is difficult. Seeing the Nature and learning the Dao are difficult. According to conditions to reform people so as to save them is difficult. Seeing the circumstance and unmoved in heart are difficult. Good at understanding the convenience is difficult.

Chapter 12 ﹝9﹞: When having the authority and not to draw near to ordinary people is difficult. (when people have the authority, it is difficult for them not to draw near to ordinary people.)

When having the authority and not to draw near to ordinary people is difficult (when people have the authority, it is difficult for them not to draw near to ordinary people). It is the ninth difficulty in the twenty difficulties said by Buddha Shakyamuni in this Chapter.

It also means that it is hard for the person not to draw near to ordinary people when having the authority. I use the words “ draw near to” which is translated according to the Chinese word. It is also means “to come closer” or “to approach”.

The whole meaning is that it is hard for the persons when they own the power and not to bully the ordinary people. The original article in Chinese is some kind of difficult to understand.

When people own the authority, the mind of arrogance is easy to be generated. And it might want to demonstrate their power or to gain their personal advantages and profit so to bully others. Even today, such situation is still existed in some places.

What we have often heard is that the evil bullying persons plunder the civic fortune, encroach the good farm, robbery the women or children, or enslave the others. Such evil bullying person is not someone else. They are the persons who have the authority in army or in politic, especially in the time of war or of darkness in politic.

Even in the time of democracy, there are also existed the bullying thing in company or in the politic party, or any group, or in some big family in some countries. The bullying persons are the boss, or the supervisor, or the elder male.

The official career and the authority are the temporary. It is not permanent. Even our body is not permanent. We’ll lose those things some day. The Buddha have said that all of the phenomenon would have four stages. That is forming, dwelling, destructing and emptying; and all mental and physical situations would have four stages. That is generating, dwelling, changing, eliminating.

So, we could find the connecting. Forming corresponds to generating. Dwelling means dwelling on something. Or something is dwelled on. Destructing corresponds to changing. The emptying corresponds to eliminating.

Those who bully others with arrogance are in the stage of formed and dwelled authority. Usually, their retribution is in the stage of destructed and emptied authority. If we have such sense, we would not dare to bully others. And it is not hard for us when having the authority and thus not to draw near to ordinary people.

Supplementary note: Dao is transliterated from Chinese, meaning way and method, deeper meaning as a system of learning or religion. Dao is Tao, which is transliterated from Chinese. The original meaning of Dao is the way and path, and it is extended to be the truth of life that we can learn and practice in our lives.