We can't replace anyone to live their lives.

Author: Tao Qing Hsu 

There is a father who is very responsible for his small family. He is worried about his wife and children every day, for fear of not making enough money to provide them with a good material life. Therefore, he is very happy as long as he has work, because it means that he has income and can provide a good material life for his wife and children. He works diligently every day, just to make more money, to make the family rich, to let his son have a house and a car, so that this family can take a wife into the door, so that the son and wife can add grandchildren and joy to the family. The father also wanted to save and gather more money so that his daughter would have a large dowry and get married beautifully. Of course, he still needs to save enough retirement funds so that he and his wife will not worry in their later years, and will not cause a burden to their children.

All this makes him live in a dream of being a good husband and father, which can make him have a face among relatives and friends, saying that he is a good man who loves his family. However, as long as he has no work to do and no income, he feels anxious and very uneasy. Because of this, his heart is furious, and he always cares about everything with the native family. Not only as a father, but in a single-parent family, the mother makes money to support her family, just to save money and build a house for his son so that he can marry his wife. To this end, this mother will not hesitate to sacrifice her daughter, and will not hesitate to squeeze her daughter's labor and financial resources.

These parents worry about their children's hardships for their children's bright future. Not only do these obsessive parents work hard to make money and pay for their children’s tuition, but they also do not want their children to spend time to work, just to help them lay the foundation for their future career. In addition, the house also helps children buy well, so that they have more conditions to get married and start a family. These infatuated parents also hope that it is best to help them have children and raise them.

The wives and children living in such a worry-free environment have weak ability to make money and support their families. They have always depended on the powerful fathers and husbands. Even if these wives and children are already adults, they have a job, but they do not earn much. They are eager for comfort and want a richer material life. Therefore, they asked the father and husband every day to make the man live in anxiety, just to earn more money and provide better materials for family members to enjoy.

I saw what these obsessive parents did, and saw the father who was anxious about money every day. In order to alleviate his inner anxiety, I told him: "You cannot be responsible for the lives of your wife and children. Your wife and children must be responsible for their own lives. You must always remember this."

From our daily experience, we are often curious about what our relatives and friends are doing. Some people are very opinionated about the living conditions of relatives and friends, because the current living conditions of relatives and friends are completely inconsistent with their ideal state of mind.

For example, if someone does not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they ask him: "Why don't you make a boyfriend?" If someone is single and unmarried, they ask him: "Why don't you get married?" If someone doesn't work outside, they just ask him: "Why not go to find a job and do it quickly?" If people don't have children, they ask him: "Why don't you have children?" If they think the public office is stable, they ask him: "Why not go to have an Examination for public office?" And so on. People who raise such questions may express a concern. However, for those who hear, they will feel that these people are very ignorant. Why? Because these people who question others often just look at the appearance of things from their own perspective, rather than from the other side's perspective to understand in depth. Some people are very personal, and they hate such questions from others, so they just say, "What am I going to do, what am I not doing, what is your business?" Yes! Does it matter to us whether others get married or have children?

A woman graduated from a well-known university, and in her forties, she chose a job as an operator. Relatives and friends felt incredible, and wondered why she made such a decision. Because of her academic and experience, she has worked in the society for such a long period of time, in her forties, and should have a good career, at least also have a fairly high supervisor position, and take a high salary. Therefore, relatives and friends asked her, "Why not go to find a better job?" She said that in the past, her job content made her too brainy, too nerve-wracking, and the work pressure was very heavy. The operator's work, almost without thinking, can let her brain rest. She feels that she is very happy to do this job.

After listening to this story, I realized the truth: "We can't replace anyone to live their lives. "Everyone knows his own situation best. We are outsiders. How can we know their situation and the troubles they face? What kind of life they want to live in is only known to them. What we can do is to respect their lifestyle and any choices. After all, we cannot take charge of their lives, nor can we replace them to live their lives for them. For example, assuming that they have cancer or depression, can we replace them to bear it for them? This is absolutely impossible, as everyone understands.

And this also led me to the following thinking: I often squeeze cold sweat for a dictatorship? Why? A dictatorship is like these obsessive parents, these nosy relatives and friends. They control everything the people have. They like to interrogate and interfere with people's freedom. In my opinion, this is replacing them to live their lives for these people, and replace them to be responsible for their lives. To put it bluntly, these dictatorships are too great, because they carry all the karma of the people on their own. This is so great!

If you think about it, when you control the people's freedom of thought and expression, it is as if you are binding a person's hands and feet. From another point of view, you are also living his life for him and taking on the responsibility of his life for this person, because this person's hands and feet are tied by you. When this person's hands and feet are tied, how can he have excellent ability to work well to make money and support his family? Once they cannot support themselves and their families, they become a burden for the government and the country. Either you raise him or let him go extinct. In any case, the personal karma and responsibility of this people will be carried on the dictatorship.

Therefore, we will see countries with authoritarian regimes, those groups of authoritative parents and officials who control the people in the regime, they are very active in working hard to make money, and they are rich and powerful, they also accumulate a lot of money, and also provide wives and children the excellent material life. Of course, they also build houses for the people and distribute them to the people, so that the people can get married and have a room to live in. The children born by the people are raised by the state. Unfortunately, in countries with authoritarian regimes, people’s ability to make money and support their families is generally low, and most of them live in poverty. They must rely on the government to support them. The poor people are more prone to complain and dissatisfaction with the government, thus rebelling against the government. The authoritarian government must use more severe means and spend more financial resources and resources to suppress the rebellion of the people.

Therefore, when we replace anyone to live their lives, and also replace them to take any responsibility of their lives, it is a foolish thing to do. It is doing a thankless job. It is let any doing things be double, but the credit is halved. We have done our own hard work, others are not necessarily grateful, and even complain. You see, this is really a waste of our own life.